Have you ever been afraid of what other people are thinking? I sure have. My perception of the person ‘they’ thought I should be, led me to do many destructive and crazy things. When we’re afraid of what others think, we get stuck being someone we’re not in order to quiet our fears. The results, however, mean no one wins.
Whose Opinion Matters?
High school was an awkward time. On top of it, I was shy. To make sure ‘they’ liked me, I went to great lengths to fit in. I laughed at cruel jokes, went to parties where all kinds of laws were broken, and risked disappointing my parents because my fear of being rejected by the group was so great. Their opinions mattered more than mine.
Sometimes they still do.
Three Lessons
It took many years to figure this out, but ‘their’ opinion does not determine my worth. Simple as that. BTW, my opinion doesn’t determine their net worth either.
Another realization is that being afraid of what ‘they’ may think about what I do kept me from doing things I wanted to do. So often I want to stand up and cheer on my team but being that demonstrative may seem like ‘too much’ or ‘unladylike’ to those around me, so I stay quiet. But maybe the team could use a rousing ‘atta girl!’ or ‘way to go!’.
Here were other things I was afraid to try:
Afraid my invitation will be rejected; I shut down the idea of having a party
Afraid people will think I’m prideful; I quiet my voice and not offer my opinion
Afraid of making others feel bad, sad, or upset; I continue to ignore the things making me feel bad, sad, or upset
Afraid of looking to bossy or opinionated; I avoid speaking up in meetings
Afraid I might be wrong; I won’t share my perspective in a problem-solving process
The third thing I realized is very few people actually judge me as being wrong. We are each so concerned with what we are doing, we leave little room for thoughts of others. Our perceived rejection or judgment may only exist in our minds.
Questions
Ask yourself questions about how you react to the opinions of others. This will help you find out if ‘their’ opinions are causing you to be stuck.
How do you react to disagreement? What can it do to you?
What makes you afraid of other people’s opinions?
What limits have you put on yourself because of those around you?
And considering the possibilities of letting go of this fear is also useful.
What would you do if you weren’t concerned with what others thought?
What would you try if the opinions of others didn’t matter?
How could others benefit from your voice?
Challenge
To live a life free of the fear of other people’s opinions, take this small challenge of doing something you think others would deem wrong. Go ahead and do something you may fail at, even if it is something small. Notice the results (not those you make up in your mind). Were you rejected? Permanently? Did they even notice? Did they laugh at you? Did you laugh at yourself? Was anyone hurt? Was your pride hurt?
Also consider how a strong physical body or spiritual sense would help you. It could be your lack of sleep and proper nutrition that have you feeling vulnerable and afraid of other’s opinions. On the spiritual side, your lack of faith in yourself, hope in the future, gratitude for all you have, joy in the moment, love for yourself, and meaning in the failure could be all that is keeping you from letting go of other people’s opinions.